I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
