So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
