I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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