I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
