hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sorry my hands just texted you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
