You're completely useless in the revolution.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
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I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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