i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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