he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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