whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
