i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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