Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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