Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
