so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
so much tequila, so little girl.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
