just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
