I'm gonna have a badass scar
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
