I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When did angry sex become our thing?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
