I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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