drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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