He disabled his match.com account in front of me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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