you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
