she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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