I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
