I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
