so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
