I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
