I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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