this beer tastes like vomit already
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
