Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
