you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize