i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
