i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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