How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
