Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
