Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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