Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
