ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
