I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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