He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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