i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
