I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
