I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
