so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He shit in the fireplace
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