There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
