hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
