dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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