Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
