She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
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This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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