Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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