your room smells of hookers.
And success
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
