so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
