i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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