I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
