How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
