Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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