No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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