I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
