Apparently you make a good broom.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
