I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
