I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
