My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
