dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
