Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
