if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
