I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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