I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
