I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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