What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
