I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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