im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
