i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He keeps bees of course he's weird
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
