I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
