Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Text me some of your sweat
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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