My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm always down for nudity.
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